I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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