I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
