dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm both gender and math confused
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
