we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize