I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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