oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
