this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
