there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
now i know why i became what i already was.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
