How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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