Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
