Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
