Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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