legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
