my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
