hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
