he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize