no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
