Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
