the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
