forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
