now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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