Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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