I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
