I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
420 ftw
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
