I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
His hands were made for my vagina.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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