between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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