Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
