you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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