Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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