Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
