dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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