he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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