tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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