He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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