I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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