Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
