she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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