i jhust puked up my retainher.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
