just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
