I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
