You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
