He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
