Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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