cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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