how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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