having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
