apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
bring money and cleavage
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
