I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
