Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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