He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
