maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
