dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
