She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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