And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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