Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
