this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
