There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
