If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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