i will never coherently bang her
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
