I faked an abortion last night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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