Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
