I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
