If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
