What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
