Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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