I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
