how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
