Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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