I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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