I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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