I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
