Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
