So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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