is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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