yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
