Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
