You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
