I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
