I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
