fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
