Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
