New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
