Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
