Only a mothe r could love this liver
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
