Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
