Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
