At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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