And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
this just has baby written all over it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize