I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
