Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
