Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
