My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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