so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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