Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
