This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize