Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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