We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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