Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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