im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
