mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jรคger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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