you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
