I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
