Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
